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Legends
2014-01-12

I'm at the Mayor Hodges inauguration party arguing with a 20-year-old girl about whether the martini I bought her tastes better than the gin and tonic my friend bought her. I've referred to the martini as an "adult drink," and I think my position has been born out by her intransigence. It tastes like olives. What.

Time for a new dealer. Old dealer tells new dealer, "So this is what's going on at this table," referring to me. I've been drinking to excess and gambling with hundreds of dollars. I recently made a joke about how the dealer and I both share names with Backstreet Boys. I'm banking on nobody knows Backstreet Boys names.

I'm at the C.C. Club shooting pool. I've lost two games in a row but offered myself as a partner to a new shitty pool player both times and am well on my way to losing my third consecutive game of pool. I want to blame my shitty pool player partner, but let's be honest here - I'm fucking blasted.

I'm drinking a bloody mary at this coffee shop / fancy restaurant with my lovely ex-girlfriend. Technically I'm not drinking "with" her - I'm drinking and she's eating a breakfast burrito. This bloody mary has some funky element to it that I can't put my finger on. On which I can't put my finger.

I'm taking a pull off a liter of vodka. I'm about to get picked up and driven to a casino, so this is the best idea. Meanwhile the Seahawks and Saints are about to kick off. Before today ends I'm going to join the demographic that gives a shit about this game because they have money on it. I'll win the bet too.

I'm explaining to a so-so-looking older woman who volunteered for the Hodges campaign why she's a good person. I'm floating a theory about how if her kids all live in different states that means they grew into adults capable of planting flags in other states, which means she must have been a pretty good mom, and she obviously gives a shit, so yada yada yada. Later I'll run into her + friends and join their photoshoot by the bathroom.

"That was terrifying." I'm sitting on my kitchen floor trying to patch things up with my roommate about cockblocking him on the cute 20-year-old situation. Except I'm wasted so my apology is coming out more like a McNolty "What the fuck did I do?" I just threw a chair and it made a loud bang. Throughout tonight I've been justifying my excessive behavior on the grounds that Posso would have approved. I guess I'd better go to bed now. I'm no Posso.

Posso, you were a living legend. Now you're just a legend.

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